Accentuate the Positive, 3.0

The San Francisco 49ers offensive line didn’t protect the quarterbacks well last season, but the biggest sack came in the team’s PR office.

With all the trouble athletes can cause their employers and fans, more organizations are turning to media training. (Remember, the 49ers used to have Terrell Owens.)

However, the in-house media training video backfired big time. The humor of the “How Not To” approach was completely lost on the diverse Bay audience, which did not warm up to stereotypical portrayals of gays and Asians in a sensitivity video. All humor was lost when it was discovered that top brass sat on the tape for months, and didn’t press for heads to roll.

Public relations director Kirk Reynolds was cannedresigned the moment word of the tape eventually leaked. Now, just a scant nine months and three weeks later, the San Francisco Chronicle has obtained the video for everyone who wants to be offended in the privacy of their own cubicles.

For those of you who don’t feel like updating your Quicktime again, the action is captioned for you:

Segment 2 of 8:
On a sidewalk in Chinatown, Reynolds-as-mayor asks a man walking past him (played by former 49ers trainer George Chung) to help him read an Asian language newspaper. Note: clip contains racial stereotyping and suggestive language.

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Segment 3 of 8:
In a sendup of same-sex marriages, Reynolds presides over a mock wedding between two women staged inside the Mitchell Brothers theater on O’Farrell Street in San Francisco. [Nudity has been deliberately blurred by Chronicle staff]

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Segment 4 of 8:
Back out on the street, Reynolds tells a beggar (played by Julian Peterson) to “get a job.” At SBC Park, the ersatz mayor emphasizes the importance of giving interviews to the local media, then throws out the first pitch. Afterward, the catcher thanks him for supporting “hookers and booze.”

Viral marketing is spreading like a bad disease, and sometimes those with “guerilla marketing fever” just aren’t immune to the temptation to lie.

We’ll find out soon enough if the Birmingham SteelDogs are barking down the path to the dark side.

A few days ago, billboards started popping up around Birmingham, stirring support to shut down figure skating. The billboards linked to a companion website:

Support those who offer wholesome alternatives to figure skating. In Birmingham, Alabama, an arena football team is making a difference. By building their field on top of the largest ice rink in the state, they have assured there will be absolutely NO figure skating on these dates. There will only be exciting football games with plenty of fun for the kids. Even though the Birmingham Steeldogs have not returned any of our calls, we have included a link to their website because we want to support their obvious anti-figure-skating stance. Buy your tickets now and STRIKE A BLOW AGAINST THIS PSUEDO-SPORT!!!

Now, with all the talk about transparency, you’d think the Steeldogs would own up to it when asked. Instead, the statement from managing partner Scott Myers feigns total ignorance:

“The Birmingham Steeldogs are in no way opposed to figure skating,” Myers said. “In fact, I have really enjoyed watching the ‘Skating With Celebrities’ television program that airs before ‘24′ on Fox 6.”

“We are in full agreement, however, that the Steeldogs are a great family entertainment value,” Myers added. “We believe that all sports fans, regardless of what their favorite sport is, should come out and enjoy arena football this season.”

(Myers ought to be a skating fan — he’s the former General Manager of the Birmingham Bulls ECHL franchise, which rode a bear market out of town years ago.)

The thinly-veiled disguise of Larry Pamper was used to kick off the whole buzz on the Steeldogs’ message boards. Apparently, “Pamper” is such a big fan that this is hiis one and only post.

In light of all the recent gnashing of teeth about transparency in public relations, will the SteelDogs go to the doghouse over this? Probably not. When it comes to minor-league sports, the only real controversy you ever face is if you bungle the selection of a mascot.

(No, John, I’m not talking about Houston soccer. Vince McMahon’s XFL came very close to dubbing its Birmingham franchise the “Blast,” a great alliterative name that just doesn’t set to well in a town known for a fatal church bombing.)