I never did trust that little Elmo. Now I’ve got a reason.

A little background: my little girl just had to have an Elmo-themed birthday when she turned two. My wife made a lovely Elmo-cake, and we avoided Extreme Elmo saturation by going with the simple plates, napkins, and hats.

Being the dutiful parents, we took waaaaaaay too many pictures of the party, and only then discovered the evil that was lurking above the scalps of the innocent: Once you got a little elevation, you could clearly see the not-so-subliminal message from Elmo: Elmo wants you to die.

So, this really comes as no surprise to me: Toddler’s Talking Elmo Book Asks ‘Who Wants To Die?’

Family members said 16-month-old Miranda Boll’s new book, “Potty Time With Elmo,” was supposed to teach an interactive lesson using voice commands.

However, when the book’s buttons are pressed, it reportedly says something it is not supposed to — “who wants to die?”

Yikes!

Apparently, this thing has been floating around like a ticking media time bomb for awhile — one guy just sold his “collector’s item” on eBay. At some point, you’d think the publisher would have done something a little proactive, but no. Not a mention anywhere on the site for parents who might be inquiring about this. (Then again, I did have to search them out — it’s not like the media is even spreading their name around.)

Maybe Elmo’s outer fur is laced with some type of space-age spray-on Teflon polymer. He seems to slide right by, past the suspicions of unwitting parents across the world. I’m just glad that I have seen the light, and prevented the Little Red Menace’s nefarious mind-control powers from overwhelming my impressionable young son. My boy is at such a tender age, and I am so fortunate he is free from the evil. Here’s a picture of my boy…